Fleeting Portents

Orange spice.

How a cup of tea- with that particular flavour- can haunt is startling. Or the very thought of it, rather. It makes me miss her. Funny how even the sound of the kettle whistling, or the sight of the stomach-churning, fizzing thing (that you’re supposed to take as supplements) makes you remember things. It’s almost overwhelming.

The world had chosen that one night, by the cosy dinner table, to embrace me with love, security. I fell back into having an older sister again- as easily as you fall into your bed at night- safe and sound. That night blew kisses of affection, as the scent of orange spice and burnt cookie crumbs wafted around the room; lullabies, and gentle whispers of promises healed my soul.

What I would not give…

For one more cup of tea- with her across me. 

I am left with glimpses of our acquaintance- missing her more than ever…

- just as the bitter, burnt crumbs of cookie reminded me how it momentarily satisfied my craving, only to find myself wanting more of it.

I wish to see her, be with her, talk with her…

The constant, sweet Teacher/ Chichur Liii/ Pichur Wee continually shun and shrug off everyday stress. I am happily blessed with the wonderful and mellow lives who look at me with quiet smiles, who’d share with me stories, lessons, thoughts. Or the angels’ cute, candid words, and their constant prattle with their eager and trusting looks.

How I wish for Life to stay this way- simple, interesting. I could never be much happier, and it could never get any better than this…

Or depressing.

How many more months? Weeks, is it, before I’m left with memories and love notes and still portraits of what had been?

I will miss you all.

….Sigh..

Her voice fills the silent room… All eyes are on her- including mine.

She stands up. I long for her to approach me as I am seated in the corner of the room- only to realize she is to turn the lights back on.

And the room comes to life with just one click..

I reminisce how she illuminated my world- first dominating, then encouraging.. from learning WHAt to think, to HOW to think.. from long lectures on life, to whispers of love and promises that she’d always be there, and finally to silent, knowing smiles, and understanding nods, and unspoken assurance..

With just one click, light came in blinding, burning rays, shifting to dimness, then with gradual changes, to a clear, comforting brightness.

I continue to look at her. I smile.. i was glowing inside.

How i love her so.

I see her glance at me. I see only the purest love there ever is, behind her wrinkled face and tired eyes.

All my life I’ve known her in the only three letters i hold dear to me-

Mom.