Fleeting Portents

Thank You, God, for the short holiday with the best-est brother in the whole, wild world!

I’m sure he’s still in bed, taking back the hours I took from him, and dreaming of the roast duck he had been craving for, which turns my stomach inside out.

We had a grand time, thanks to Mum and Papa, and Ate.

Left at 5 in the morning of Thursday. Flight was at eight. Boarded the plane with red, puffy eyes- my brother dragging me. I had to stay awake and sane to lead us.

Our hotel was in Kowloon- Park Hotel, in the heart of shopping, shopping, shopping! And right at the other end of it, there’s a street food stand… Perfect! Across is the

Science

Museum

, which is just beside the

History

Museum

… Sigh.. Doubly perfect!

I just had to endure eating in my jolly bee’s rival, the silly clown with a silly “M”, (hehe, sorry!) for breakfast.

On our last day, we managed to go to

Disneyland-

by train- considering my (zero) powers at directions. I had to call on the patron saints themselves- Edsel Vengco, Ms. Lala Dela Cruz, my scorpion twin, and other nameless navigators to bless my instincts and our way. Luckily, we arrived to and back just before the coach picked us up! Scheduled to fly home that same afternoon, we just had a sweet, half-taste of Disney; rode the

Space

Mountain

, and the Buzz Light Year thing; and ate the soy chicken leg, the cheese-less pizza, plus the peanut- butter squid for lunch.

Reached the airport at 3:30. Arrived in

Manila

at about 8 pm- and there they were- Papa, Mum, plus Lola to welcome us back. Oh, and my jolly bee love, of course, to fill my craving heart! Apart from the discreet sunburn, we brought home shoes, clothes, food, and groovy memories =)

My heart’s filled with the after-taste of bonding, and of all the food we ate! I thank God and praise Him to high heavens!!

"Teacher Li, are you strong? Can you reach uuuuup to the ceiling?"

The sweetest angel I saw yesterday left me breathless. She was in indigo and colorful frills, with long flowing brown hair that curl softly at the ends. No, I wasn’t strong; still was sick, but my miracle hour came and was filled with rhymes and songs she made up. She sang merrily, "Stapler in the mall goes snap, snap, snap.." With her tight hug, I started seeing a brighter sunny afternoon, lit with blooms and cheers, and all the pretty childhood stuff.

For a few seconds there, I saw what she saw, and I was glowing inside. She’s a timeless portrait I carve in my heart, with the most beautiful smile- my sweetest angel.

(Thanks, Khaye!!!)

The three mornings I’ve been snuggling and cuddling in bed- nursing my pneumonia, and what else? Enjoying my noble princess guardian’s company, Tarah, who enjoys too much that she hogs and chews on my blanket instead of leaving it to me. Has been the third one of my uneventful days today. Feeling frazzled and at a daze still, consistently disturbed by my intense cough spells and constantly being gnawed at by the thought of pending works. Sigh… Oh but last night was an empowering and uplifting one. Been invited by Elloyee to attend Life Festival at the Little Theater in Miriam College. And so I went with a soaring heart though with a weak spirit. I saw Shine, MC, and so many other students. Praising really has this powerful effect. And the people’s passion was contagious! I found my cure- Him! Cure for my weak spirit, that is. (Oh! Not to forget the free dinner from my beloved jolly bee which I have so long craved for- though I ate it just this Tuesday.) I keep in my heart the songs and the praises of last night, and my Father’s message. He’s everything in my life, and I lift endless thanks to Him!

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Life’s of black and white,

green and cream, brown and flesh;

on checkers, and squares, and boxes;

on wood, glass, plastic

- that familiar strategic game of complex moves and decisions;

of risking, sacrificing, consuming.

And there’s no turning back- only forward and side-ward.

You make your moves. I do too- though at times I retreat.

Too scared to risk, to fall.

Piece by piece you take away,

then you capture my queen, my heart

as I take your bait.

My walls broken- you leave me defenseless, resigned.

And all that’s left, my king, cornered with nothing to govern.

Not even the heart

that, at last, lost to you..

Caught in the rhymes and rhythm of life?

Smile.

Look inside - deep inside, and farther up.

Thank everyone.

Love to high heavens.

Marvel at the beautiful wrinkles of your parents.

Gaze into your special someone’s eyes.

Kiss his hand the soonest you get the chance.

Spread kindness.

Pay goodness forward.

Life’s too short and simple to complicate.

Slow down and live.

Steering and directing the wheel towards a borderless nowhere;

Stepping drearily on the clutch.;

Shifting gears when it’s my perspectives that need it.

Glancing at four mirrors- my left, right, rear, then the one on my hand- my compact mirror, but forgetting to look deep inside.

Brushing away not my apprehensions but putting on that touch of crimson in a feeble, shallow attempt to color and brighten the day.

Already listless for wasting my energy on occasional unmanageable road rage. And for mustering all what’s left of reason, courage, positivism, sanity.

The familiar hustle and bustle.

Life’s simple and sinful events and pieces.

Your soul in jigsaws- nothing or no one can bring together - with that gnawing, insatiable thirst to search for someone or something to form it and keep it in an unyielding state.

We’re humans. Mere. Bound to 24 hours a day. Vulnerable to rages and worries and heartaches to their fullest. Conditional.

Not like Him. Glorious in all His mysteries. Limitless. Vast. Intense. Unconditional.

How romantic can I get? Browsing through famous love notes by my dearly beloved Browning authors.. Sigh.. Such lyricism..!

Wouldn’t hurt to pretend to be Elizabeth.. will attend now to my blinking thinking cap, and snuggle- pen and paper in hand- with my dearest.

"…How shall I ever prove what my heart is to you? How will you ever see it as I feel it? I ask myself in vain..Have so much faith in me, my beloved, as to use me simply for your own happiness.." -Browning

January 25, 1846

"Incomparable- what I am to you, you say? I rejoice in your thoughts; I am free and light as ever- ever so in love with you. What words could hold me mesmerized the way yours do- enthralling, piercing- like the bittersweet taste of chamomile tea I had this morning. Yes, I do think of you- frequently, as a matter of fact.

Do you reckon it too much when I, myself, drown ecstatically in remembrance of you? When your illusion sweeps me off, like the blissful moments of a blind soul, as if finally able to see? You, my perpetual thought, make my heart beat faster, my soul flooded by thrills. I aver to you, noble sire, ashamed not I.

Put your thoughts to rest, dearly beloved; I have faith in you- ask not yourself in vain. Let words nor distance part us for in dire and capricious calling we might be separated anyhow. After all, only the Almighty knows.

Believe, my love. In time we make all happen. For now, let longing be proportioned to emptiness. For now, only in dreams this unspoken vow be held true- just as momentous, just as genuine as any realm…"

Love is Gold.

And time?

Blind.

Yes, His love is.

Timeless.

Priceless.

Immeasurable.

Incomparable.

All- encompassing.

God is love.

Love is gold.

And time?

Blind.

Love heals. As time does.

Love is pure. like gold.

Love is God. Gold. Glorious.

For eternity.

I lay underneath the silent seas

I take the blanket of despair

Alone, once again,

in bed of crimson tears

I say my lament,

grave and solemn lament.

But in whispers-

just in whispers.

I paint black and white

on walls-

walls in my mind.

I write yet another thousand love letters,

where else?

In my heart.

For I am underneath the silent seas

My lover awaits

in another realm.

I am the lament.

I will be heard

as my Creator wills.

I will be.

On the day I rise.

Divine cream- frothy, tempting, deceiving…

Bright red strawberries- alluring

- They make life’s thrilling ups and downs. All the same, life’s worth living..!

I believe life’s made of strawberries and cream sometimes. The whirling events of everyday bring you to a blissful, yet consuming trance. And the taste of the consequences of your decisions lingers for (only) God knows how long.

Life treads on too fast, like the mixing and beating process to make cream in its perfect state. As some episodes are divine and grand, others are dreary, trying. You just have to go on and on.

Press on, I say =)

Enjoy your share of strawberries and cream =)